Why Compassion?

A reflection on Week of Compassion by Janet Hartlen of Milton Christian Church, a Disciples congregation in Nova Scotia

Why Compassion? Have you ever wished for a better world and wondered how you could make a difference? Not an easy task, but we could start with the Golden Rule.

Several years ago, I enrolled in a course at Zion United Church called Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life by Karen Armstrong. Her book was both insightful and thought provoking. I will share some of it with you, as well as some of my own thoughts and some from given Resource Material.

First, we had to learn the difference between sympathy, empathy and compassion. Sympathy is a feeling of sorrow and deep concern for someone else’s misfortune, distress or suffering. Empathy is the ability to understand, share and experience the emotion, thoughts and perceptions of another person. Compassion is the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feeling motivated to relieve that suffering with the desire to help.

I find that at times all three words are interchangeable. But from these definitions we can see that compassion involves action and that is where we are today. So how do we learn about compassion? To learn about compassion, we have to practice. We practice just like we practice any other skill or activity. I will give you two short examples. 

We can all remember learning to drive a car and the fact remains, that you cannot learn to drive a car by only reading the manual. You have to get behind the wheel with a trusted friend or instructor. I was 16 and very excited to learn to drive. There was no Drivers Ed in those days but I had two older brothers who were very helpful and got me started. My boyfriend at the time was also giving me a few lessons. We were stopped on a hill in Truro, and sat through three green lights with horns beeping behind us. You can appreciate that fancy dance of one foot on the clutch and the other on the brake and me trying not to stall the car yet again. My boyfriend was exasperated and so was I. However, he persisted in coaching me  and I finally got through the light. How lucky I was to learn on a standard but soon realized that I needed much more practice.

Another example - you cannot learn to swim by sitting on the side of the pool. You have to get in the water and get wet and follow the steps and be given encouragement by the instructor. You have to practice those strokes and learn how not to breathe underwater. Although, we might never to be great enough to get on the swim team or get to the Olympics, we still have to practice those strokes.

And so it is with compassion. We start at home. We learn respect for our family, then at school we learn respect for our teachers and classmates, then in the workplace respect for our supervisors and fellow workers and the same for our country. If we miss a step, it is difficult to have compassion for someone who is less fortunate, the homeless, or someone from another culture whose ways are foreign to us not to mention, to even love your enemies. 

 In the book it said, "The Golden Rule asks us to use our own feelings as a guide to our behavior with others."  We learned also, that imagination is crucial and that we are all capable of compassion. The suffering we have experienced in our own lives can also help us appreciate the depths of another’s suffering and sadness. This was the focus we shared as we sat around the table as members of the Grief/Share Group listening to others telling their stories. Our leader, Debbie Thibault, guided us through those memorable moments of which many are difficult to revisit. I have also experienced many of those moments in my nursing career. Our pain can therefore become an education in compassion.

As we look at our own little world, we can remember compassion through small acts of kindness shown to us.

Can you remember a time when you were having a bad day and the things that helped you the most – a friendly voice on the telephone, a  kind word from a stranger, a smile, a joke or someone allowing you to go to the head of the line at the grocery store cash? We need to applaud the innovative thinkers and sages that have gone before us, who were brave and imaginative and worked hard to implement impractical dreams in difficult circumstances. We need that same energy and conviction today.

If we start every day with small acts of kindness, stand up against racism, food insecurity, intimate partner violence and all the other injustices of today’s world or when disaster strikes yet another impoverished country, we will show our compassionate side and the desire to help.

When we debate the issues of the world, we need to remember to speak gently with well thought out words while listening to another’s point of view - again showing our compassion. Compassion requires us to open our minds, our hearts and our pocketbooks and we must extend our benevolence to one another as well as the far reaches of the world.

And lastly, we need to love our enemies – another difficult task.  The book suggests we pick a country that we are unfamiliar with and study and learn all about it. As we learn about another’s culture, and traditions, it helps us to appreciate their whys and ways of doing things. It suggests doing the same for a person who may be causing you angst, get to know them and listen to what they are saying – appreciate them as another human being. And, although you may not agree with the conversation, you will probably have a greater understanding of them as a person.

And so it is. We carry one another through the storms and paralyzing seasons of life. We are called to move forward to keep finding a way when we see the economic instability, the impossible choices of healthcare, housing and hope, climate change and regions scarred by war and communities recovering from earthquake, fire and floods. We need to follow through with the ministry of compassion so that lives can be rebuilt, strangers welcomed and futures restored. 

As I end my message, I would be remiss if I did not mention the recent tragic fatal accident in Truro where a 54year old woman was struck by a snow plow driver who was clearing the parking lot. She was on her way to Sobeys where she had been employed for 22 years. She stepped out between two parked cars when the snow plow driver was backing up and did not see her. She died of her injuries in hospital. She was described as a familiar face to many customers and was friendly, caring and compassionate.

An outpouring of compassion was demonstrated by the community that loved her when a Go Fund Me page was set up and raised $40,000 for her family. 

So why compassion? Because compassion strengthens relationships and builds healthier communities. Practicing compassion benefits not only those who receive it but also those who give it.
Even the smallest compassionate actions can have lasting effects proving that kindness really matters. 
So let us always be inspired to do more. And let it be so. Thanks be to God. Amen.

Note from Administrator: The woman mentioned above was Tina Clyke. The gofundme ultimately reached $51,000. Donations in Tina’s memory may be made to Epilepsy Association of the Maritimes or SPCA.